022704
[9:07am] I am not good at updating anymore. A lot is going on, but because of that, I can't find the time to tell yall about it. Is it
y'all or ya'll? I'll leave the punctuation out of it. What you really need to know about is the Rufus concert: God, it rocked so much.
Minus the car trouble. But I got a lot of pictures and the Behemoth out of it (at least temporarily).. so, good deal. Umm, there's more
but I have to read the Aeneid.
022104
[12:08am] Three weeks til my birthday. To recap today: an 81 in Polisci and a 90 in Search. Not exactly great, but last Friday wasn't
the best either (glares in the direction of the day). After Search, Matt and I walked back to the room in the BEAUTIFUL WEATHER
and shouted for joy. The room was lit with sunlight streaming through our stained glass and it was gorgeous. So I sat on my bed and Matt
on Carolyn's and we sang until 4:00. Then Carolyn came and we all sang and talked about Rufus plans while Laura watched a movie in
French. Eventually we transferred ourselves to Glassell and then Drew and Carolyn and I left to go to Chick Fil-A, which was not
appetizing to me, and then the movie "Against the Ropes", which was sort of melodramatic but entertaining, even with the amount of
like.. cheap girls in there.. Afterward, some girl asked Drew how his date went and I laughed because she gasped when she saw me. As
if it were a date. Whatev. Over people. But after the movie we got ice cream--Love Potion #31, which is DELISH!! And Carolyn was
wondering whether it was sherbet or sherbert ("the R is there and it's NOT silent!!").. Well, whatever. I'm really tired. And I'm not
sure, but someone might be doing something..hmm.. in the next room. But time for the shower and an attempt to sleep over all the..
*cough*.. noise.
022004
[9:25am] Last night, I was putting off my Calculus again because I'm too afraid to pick it back up -- BUT I WILL, PARENTS, I
WILL. Carolyn and Drew and I watched some Apprentice and ER.. I tried to write imitation poetry of Christopher Smart.. "For I will
consider my Squirrel Rodney". I don't actually have a squirrel, but yall know me--I wouldn't pass up a chance to write a poem about a
squirrel. Anyway, it turned out that anything I wrote sounded like crap (Smart already wrote the right words, and any words I replace
sound wrong, and if I leave them, it's plagiarism.) My mom sent me a peacoat with a hood, but the buttons are very strange and I can't
button things backwards, I can't even get my hands in there. So I'll just cheat and only button one side. But it's very nice, and then
two little books that I won't have time to read (since I'll be catching up in Calculus and seeing the other gay man in my life..) But I'm thinking I need to spend some quality time with my
digital audio books--my renewal date is the 29th of Feb (leap year) and I still have around 9 hours of book to listen to. And
since I can't burn it to a CD, it's not road trip material. sob,sob. So I'm going to go enjoy the last 30 minutes I have of my
inter-Calc-Polisci break, and maybe just sit calmly.
021904
[12:05am] I've spent a while trying to get my life back in order. Things really knocked me off balance and they're still not back to
normal--not at all. A misstep with my heart... I got a D on a Calculus test. How disheartening is that! I work so hard.. blah blah.
Tonight, though, putting off looking at my HATED STUPID CALCULUS BOOK.. again, I did lots of laundry and made my bed and Clorox wiped
some things down. I washed the few dishes I have, and will go to sleep before 1:00, I hope. (Note: Today I threw a box of cookies on
the floor, only to pick them up and eat them anyway. I'm so glad that I have friends who love me despite all these stupid things. Also,
I got two new pillows. They are MARVELOUS. THANK YOU MOM I LOVE YOU!!!!)
021204
[12:51am] I've picked up this really gross habit of rocking back and forth when I'm sitting on my bed doing homework. Needless to say,
THAT'S A LOT OF ROCKING. I'm dizzy. I need to go home this weekend. I can feel the crave rising.
021104
[10:34pm] Two notes: 1.) I have iTunes and some troublemaker titled their library as *THE ONLY SONG YOU WILL EVER NEED TO LISTEN TO*
and then blocked connections.. which would normally annoy me, but I think tonight it is hilarious. LOL, I say. More importantly is 2.)
I saw Judy Shepard tonight. She was a really good speaker. She didn't focus on the very,
very sad things for very long.. Only long enough to get all the girls crying, and boys reaching for hands to hold. But after that she
switched over to the positive, which was helpful. The entire thing was very good. If you have a chance to ever see her, YOU MUST DO IT.
020904
[6:02pm] Yeah right. I got 4 last night and I am dead to the world today. I
almost cried in Calculus. Again.
020804
[7:30pm] It is at times that I feel a great animosity toward my purple fuzzy pillow. It
scratches my face and I do not like it. hatred.
[4:12pm] I was working on an assignment for Spanish. I was done and closed out of Word. The little window popped up, asking "Would you
like to save this document before closing?" And my brain's very first reaction was "More than anything, computer dear." That's not
normal, is it?
020704
[4:41pm] Oh what a night. Carolyn and I saw
Monster, which was like..
Emotion Central. Oh, the weeping. How it ensued. After the movie, we came back and sat around for a bit and then
Jenn and Elyse came by
for a minute. Elyse left, Jenn stayed. Matt came. Laura came. Olivia came. Olivia left. We kinda sat around until
2:30, then Matt and Laura left. Jenn drew on my feet (an illustration of a "time old tale"--Jack and the Beanstalk--I
will provide pictures soon) and then went to sleep in Laura's room, since she was being sexiled from her own room.
Then sleep. Sleep sleep sleep til 1:30 pm. So it was a good night. Weird dreams though. Oh, by the way, two pictures:
one, my mirror reflected the sunlight from Carolyn's window onto my wall, and two, I wrote a
poem last Monday.
020604
[9:26am] Post-calculus, pre-polisci, I would like to comment on how stupid people at Rhodes are. Well, that's
too general. How incompetent people at Rhodes are at their specialty areas. More than half the people in my poetry
class are declared English majors. One would think that if you're an English major, you should understand the
English language. Grammar, for example. Now, if you don't know grammar, how did you get into Rhodes? So here's
the situation. We're required to write a poetry in class about the Rat, and it has a certain number of syllables
a line, we can't use "to be" verbs, and we can't end a line with a determiner (a, an, the), a conjunction (and,
but, or.. etc), or a preposition (of, from, under, above, on.. etc). So this girl asks me, "What part of speech
is 'while'?" I say, "A conjunction. Like, 'he cooks while I rest.' Hooks two sentences together, like Conjunction
Junction." Someone else counters, "No it's a conTRACtion." I say, "No, contractions are like can+not=can't, and
do+not=don't." And the original girl nods slightly and confusedly, saying, "So it's not a 'to be' verb?" I'm thinking,
It's hardly even a verb. I understand, like.. "to while away the hours".. but.. it's just stupid. I wish
other people here knew even a little bit of grammar.
020504
[12:50am] Well, tonight was good. Today wasn't very devastating either. It started with Calc, and I felt pretty
clueless but confident (paradoxically) for that; then Polisci, I was just as confused as ever, but I'm far too
petrified to ask for clarification on something he's already covered, because guess what? He gets really, really
angry when he has to repeat himself (or it seems like he also gets extremely mad whenever Tiane asks a question --
I think he just has anti-Tiane tendencies), so I try to avoid making him angry. Spanish was okay, and Search was
a common session. After that, I wrote Laura a "love note" and put it in her bed for her to find after Chorus.
Then I did homework until 11:00 when Daniel and Laura came to our room and invited us to Huey's. Tired of Calculus,
I acquiesed; tired of Searching for Values, Winny acquiesed as well. And Liz drove us and it was great. I like
those people. Now I'm back and I am tired. Thank you. Goodnight.
020404
[3:44pm] I might like to add: WOOT. Thank you for your time.
020304
[12:10pm] Okay, well, I'm not worried anymore. I wrote a really awesome Search paper and watched
the Superbowl and saw the Janet Jackson incident, of course. Scandalous, hmm. Oh, and btw, don't buy me the "Go Away" pillow or the moon
pillow.. birthday presents from friends, I think. The only work I have to do tonight is whatever for Poetry and Calculus. That is so
little I don't know what to do with myself. OH YEAH!! SLEEP! I haven't gotten to do that in a while. *sob*
020104
[1:09am] Today I have had utterly no self esteem. I feel like people are out to reject me today. It's not fair to assume this, since
we all had a really great time last night and people have other things on their agendas, but I am getting hurt so easily today. (Well,
yesterday. The 31st.) I just sat around waiting for someone to offend me or not like me. I'm afraid of what people think of me.. I'm
pretty sure Matt's Daniel doesn't like me because the only context that he knows me within is the evening sometime in December when I
was snapping at everyone.. and I heard him say something about how I think I'm better than everyone. This may or may not be the case,
since this lapse of self-esteem seems to be pretty bad this time. We had our Movie Night tonight, but people only wanted to watch the
Virgin Suicides and then leave to go do whatever. And even though they all told me that they were going to go do homework, I suspected
that they were going to go do something social together, without us. And that made me really mad. And what's worse: I have no foundation
for this kind of thought. They all love me (or pretty much) and I don't think they would intentionally exclude me. So I don't know what
my deal is. I quit life, once again. Except for this: I LOVE YOU KRISTEN!!! HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY, YA GEEZER!!!!!