103103
[4:22pm] Manic depression... in my soul... Huh.. Sigh. I don't wanna go to the SAE party tonight.. I'm not used to being at Rhodes on the weekends. I just miss my home so much that I want to be there when I'm not attending classes, which I know isn't a good way to enjoy college life, but I don't care. It's MY college life and I'll do it how I want to. Some people just don't understand because they don't have the same attracting forces that pull me home. So shut up all yall. I hope Laura and Olivia invite me to Scary Movie Night @ Olivia's tonight. That's something that I think would keep my mind off of feeling sad and missing home. (I don't know why it's so bad this week. It just is.) Scary movies roooool. Laundry time, kids!! Woot! I'm gonna wash our bathroom rugs because when the maintenance guys were fixing it, they made toilet water go everywhere!! *thumbs down*
[10:31am] As if that dream weren't weird enough, the day just got weirder as we kept going. I was cracking up in Calculus because of a joke that I can't remember now, and in Daily Themes because, from Palmer, you can hear the monkeys in the zoo. They must have been really upset about something because they were really shouting at one another today. Spanish was the final class, and I couldn't stop giggling--things were just funny to me yesterday. And I found out that Keeb was okay.. yay! Then Matt and Laura and I ate with Deborah and Zach.. we all ate together, and it was fun.. Then we retired to go do our homeworks (because there was a lot of it.) While working on my homework, like 4 drunk girls piled into the shower and proceeded to sing obscenely to the tune of "Little Bunny FooFoo". I didn't actually see their costumes but I saw them in the hall later wearing only their towels, so hmm.. And while in the hall, I saw a few girls ready for the Pike Halloween festivities.. Hmm. Since when do army girls wear hotpants? Of course there was the ubiquitous naughty nurse costume.. Sigh. I guess the whole point of Halloween is dressing up as something you're not (i.e. celery).. but really. I don't want to see half-dressed girls. Perhaps I'm alone in this conclusion, but I haven't had my hot chocolate this morning, so I'm still a little woozy. WOOT! Our toilet is fixed. Time to get ready for las clases.

103003
[10:10am] Oh, Keeb. I dreamed that you were physically disfigured.. Your hands were all hairy and there was a significant piece of flesh missing off of one and in its place was a small black knob.. And you were so, so thin.. And your eyes were like coming out of your face because your skin was stretched too tight over your little skinny bones. And your legs had bruises up and down them and it was terrible. I will call you sometime today.

102903
[4:37pm] Other than that, to help Carolyn a little with her Search paper, I made up (or she made up, I can't remember), a little song with this Bible verse. Isaiah 45:5.. "I AM THE LORD and there is no other, besides me there is no god!!" When we sing it, it sound like a CNN song.
[4:12pm] This may end up being one of the more depressing weeks of my life--not the MOST depressing (Aug 21-28 managed that fairly well), mind you. I came back from St Louis on Sunday and felt very.. desperate/desolate? Desperesolate. (Sad note: making up that word made me pause so my brain could recharge.) Anyway, Laura and Matt came over last night around 11:00 so we could make a quick Wendy's run, and then we all settled in for a happy rendezvous which quickly transformed into a thought-provoking deep late-night discussion when Matt asked "Are you guys happy here?"
   Sometimes I wonder. It was discussed a bit and then when asked what he thought, Matt replied with the feeling that the teachers don't care and the students don't care, and something I share that view, but I doubt it'd be any better anywhere else. He was talking about transferring to Mizzou or Tulsa and I was just wondering if, just because it's less work, will that make it more satisfying? I'm not sure. It would certainly be easier, but we are Matt's kind of people. We get his humor and most of the time his mindset. Sometimes I want to transfer to somewhere closer to home (even though 4 hrs isn't bad at all), because I'm such a home-centric type of person, but it might be good for me to sort of be independent and distance myself a little. So we all got a little sad that Matt isn't having an all-butterflies-and-rainbows time here at Rhodes.
   And then today we go to search and discuss Ecclesiastes which previous to today, I never thought was particularly depressing until I read this: Ecc. 1:9-10, What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, there is nothing new under the sun. and Ecc. 1:18, For in much wisdom there is much vexation, and those who increase knowledge increase sorrow. (Honestly, does THAT make you wanna learn??) and Ecc. 2:11, Then I considered all that my hands had done and all the toil I had spent in doing it, and again, all was vanity and a chasing after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun. Sigh. So what the general point made was, "What's the point of living?" Everyone was sad, and so was I. Blah. But I'm not gonna just.. whatever. I have stuff to live for, and people who get depressed about this.. I don't know, I'll be their friend.

102803
[10:21pm] I am bored. I did a lot of stuff today and can't make myself do any more. I wish Joey would get online so that I could talk to him, but he's probably sleeping. Kristen's at Gay Night. Carolyn's (supposed to be) writing her Search paper. Matt's at work. Laura's... somewhere. Never mind. I'm just going to make Matt a collage, since he's the only one left. Bored Inc.. and I should be doing my Calculus, but can't.
[10:50am] I love it when people just drop by unannounced to hang out. I really do. Or even if they don't come by to hang out, but I make them come in and sit down. I like it. I think I also like this.
 

102403
[10:43am] Yesterday was the craziness that would not end. It started with a Calculus test which I felt pretty comfortable finishing first again. It's probably a B, but one can always hope for better. Then Daily Themes came and we argued about "Bowling for Columbine" for 1.5 hours, and then Spanish: and for some reason, I could not wait for Spanish to be over. I was packed up to leave a whole bunch of minutes before she was done talking. Alex laughed at my impatience (but I think he only laughed because he was a sharing participant in the impatience. I noticed his books weren't out either.) After class, I talked to my Joey a little bit and got my little dose of happiness for the day, and then we (Medium Buddy and I) went to Walgreens (must go back Monday to fetch Retin-A) and then Black Lodge to return "The Bad Seed". We rented that like a whole week ago. Oopsie. No late fees, Black Lodge. Then we came back and ate... blah blah.. Laura came over to study since people were in her room being raucous, I suppose.. then I got bored of writing themes and thinking about stuff, so I just told Matt to come over, and he did eventually. The four of us ordered a pizza and then Matt left after eating some: "Mmmm, a pile of meat." Then Laura left and we all tried to go to sleep BUT THE STUPID FIRE ALARM WENT OFF. So we were standing around outside at like 3:30 am.. I was really angry and sleepy. But there were some people who were more angry. Woah, she was a scary one indeed. She musta been hibernatin o sumthin. Then we went back inside eventually and I went right to sleep. Yay.

102303
[10:11am] Walking past to get my laundry, I noticed something on Jenn's door.
 

102103
[1:18pm] Joey and I went to Mastodon, mall, and a short visit to his house yesterday. We saw a kid bark, and a guy with dogs (*PUPPIES!!*) was really nice. The kids at the mall were.. uh.. weird.. And then Joe played songs on his guitar for me and that was so nice. "Not Enough" on an acoustic is pure beauty, as is Joe. As is "Leatherface" (as he has been named), the "little marauding burnt French Fry" guy. (-Dad) I had a doctor's appointment today and got some blood drawn -- to test if I have excessive amounts of testosterone(????).. I never feel particularly mannish but if it's positive, maybe this will explain some things: "ME NEITHA" and "SHUT UP" hahaha.. Right. Anyway. As soon as Frontpage is installed onto my laptop, I'll be driving back to Memphis and maybe working on a new layout tonight. Fingers crossed, kids.

102003
[3:33pm] Hmm. That really never stops being funny.
 

101803
[6:47pm] I'm home now, on fall break. Yesterday we (family+Joey) went to Olive Garden to celebrate Dad's birthday (which was the 11th but he was in Florida), and then Joey came over and we hung out for a little while, and then I drove him home and saved a raccoon's life on the way home. Then this morning, my mom calls to me, "Bec, you have an hour before we leave." Mmmokay. Two seconds later, "Bec, we're leaving in [what sounds like "fifteen" minutes.]" BAH? So I get up and rush around and 14 minutes later I'm ready and I go into my mom's room and she doesn't have her shoes on and I was like "Did you say 15?" No, FIFTY. BAHHHH!! Whatever. We left soon and went to FHN and saw my brother's band performance; it was awesomely awesome!! The last time I saw the show was at band camp, it was thousands of times better. Millions, billions, trillions of times better. It was .. yes. Good. But they got 4th. Which is still good, because nobody can beat Murphysboro. Nope. They're just.. indomitable. Then Joey's parents took me to lunch, which was good (both the food and the company), but I got home and didn't have my keys and no one was home to let me in, so I went over to Joey's for a while to hang out--we sat on the tree swing and looked up at the leaves. Good times, noodle salad. He made/let me wear his suspenders. :) Yay for nerdity. Then I went home when my dad got home. Later Joey and I will see a movie. Happiness Inc. ("with stock options" - thanks Mattie!)

101603
[4:25pm] Bah! I just gave my Spanish oral exam (it was like an act-it-out presentation deal that we got to write and perform in front of the class.) In mine and Katie's, we were respectively a flight attendant and a really freaked out passenger. It was fun times. I couldn't stop shaking, but people said it was funny. Eric said good job, and his was HIlarious, so.. in fact, everybody's was funny. Liah and Matt's though.. I died. They were talking about how they loved accordion music and how they could play their stomachs and noses as musical instruments.. I can't even explain it, it fills me with such joy. I only have just stopped blushing. I hate getting up in front of people to speak English, so.. Spanish.. woah. I'm okay now though. Guess what?!?!? I have an A/A- in Daily Themes. Wooooot!! Probably a B- or C in Calculus (and if that's all I can muster with hours and hours of continuous studying, sobeit.) I annihilated my Search test with a 94.5% (but got another 83 paper BAHHHH). Silliness Inc. Yesterday Matt and Deborah and Carolyn and I had a small adventure because they dropped by and said they were hungry, so we all went a-searching for food. Those two.. good times & noodle salad. Deborah used Carolyn's facial hair trimmer thing on her eyebrows and freaked out. "This one is longer!!" We're like, PUT IT DOWN. Yay. Ah, I'm talking too much. I have to do some Calculus and Search before I go to Walgreens to pick up meds and powder and bodywash. Then, Friends is on, and we never miss it because Carolyn has no life. :) JUST KIDDING, LITTLE BUDDY!!!!

101503
[12:58pm] People in lunch lines annoy me. Everybody is so concerned with getting their food that they don't mind if they're stepping on your feet or face or whatever. Hrmph.
[11:12am] Yesterday was Happiness Inc. After receiving the Halloween card, I was invited to attend Lion King Day, which first consisted of dressing entirely in pink and going to Chili's, again; I went Sunday night with Carolyn, Laura, and Jenn, too. I had shotgun this time (most of the time), so Deborah and Matt and Laura were all squeezed and cozy into the back of Carolyn's car. Haha! Matt got to sit on the hump: I call the hump, I like the hump, I LOOOVE the hump, I'm the hump-boy! Life reflecting art. "Give me some room, I have to remount" when he fell off the hump. He really is the hump-boy. We went to Matt's room then; it is HUMONGOID. They have a couch and an entertainment center and a little bathroom on the side.. We have a little bathroom on the side but absolutely NO ROOM for a couch or an entertainment center. Our entertainment center consists of a little TV perched on my dresser. Anyway, so we watched the Lion King and it was even better than I had remembered, but I really missed my Kristen and Joey because we all watched it that one night and it was wonderful.. Sigh. I made social commentaries, and got confused between integration and segregation. When it was over, we retreated to Robinson, and talked with Jenn a little bit--poor Jenn. Being sick sucks. That's why they call it "sick".. cuz it's one letter away from "suck". Then I came back to the room and did homework and thought about stuff and went to sleep.

101403
[2:02pm] I checked my mail and I got a Happy Halloween card from my Grammy! That's the coolest thing ever! I was overjoyed.
[12:54pm] Happy 7-month birthday to me. Here's my present: in order to keep my merit-based scholarship, I only have to have a 2.75.. AHAHHAHAHA!!! This makes everything so much betta. I was freaking out a little about that 3.5, but now I can relax just a tiny bit and not have to be such a learning -obsessed freak. Off to eat with Laura and Olivia!

101303
[6:45pm] Another interesting thingy: We had to do this Discovery module in Calculus (everyone sighs and moans, "not another Calculus comment".. SHUT UP. I'll tell Calc stories if I want to) about Taylor polynomials and how they approximate nastier functions like exponentials and trig stuff.. Whatev. So I was typing this thing up about 15 minutes before it was due and in one glorious and inspired moment, the Canned Heat lyrics "Come on, come on; let’s work together" blurted out of my head and onto the paper, and it seemed so perfect at the time that I left it there. So today, when he was handing back homework and talking about our next Discovery Module write-up, he commended creativity; he said, "It's boring reading the same thing over and over. If there's any way you can spice it up a little, use creativity! Do so! One person used a song lyric, and someone else thought up a creative application of the integral." That second one was TOTALLY not me, but the first one TOTALLY was!!! YAYYYY! So "Discover Module" is far too neat a name for an assignment not to include clipart of a rocket ship on the next one, right?
[6:20pm] Dreams, eh? Two more kinda weird ones. Saturday night I dreamed that my high school Spanish classes all decided to go on a plane ride somewhere, and we did, but everybody got sick. I was going around asking people "Estas bien?" People were answering, "No, estoy MUY mal..." I'm just.. you know. Ugh. And then last night I dreamed that my Daily Themes class went to Prof Finlayson's house, either because we had something academic to do or because there was a killer on the loose, murdering people, and she was to whom we were turning. We went to her house and she had two kids and a cat (all this is stuff I've learned from class..) and she came out and we all left, but the weird part was that everyone was speaking French. Except me, because I don't speak French. Two very language-oriented dreams, eh pahdnah? Olivia's Timperson came over yesterday and he was ultracool; he knows about physics n stuff. I was making Jen her awesome collage - I forgot to take a picture of it, but one day I will go around the dorm collecting all the collages so I can take them over to the library and scan them for your viewing pleasure, and then redistribute them to their respective owners. Ta-da!!!

101103
[6:12pm] I had this weird dream last night where I was in this house of mirrors with some friends and I lost a tooth. Much more weirdness ensued but it's too strange to describe. I can't even remember the order of things. Only the house of mirrors and my smile with a hole in it. That has to mean my subconscious is thinking about something particular.
[4:05pm] Today's my dad's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!! In other news, Joey and I get to hang out tonight and I'm happy. I think that's like some kind of formula .. me + Joey = happy.
[9:58am] Sometimes being home is just right. I guess that's why they call it home.

100903
[2:46pm] I am both physically and emotionally exhausted. And intellectually, too, while we're at it. My brain and stomach are fighting to see which can cause me more pain; in Calculus this morning I had to shield my eyes from the light, and I think I'm still confused about the convergence tests, but I guess I'll figure it out. Or fail. You know, whatever. We shared our papers today in Daily Themes and Prof Finlayson said that I was actually doing well with Show vs. Tell, the very thing I was worried about my paper in the first place. I still think the paper is kinda weak in spots; the argument is too thinly-stretched.. It makes me exhausted. I have a Spanish test in 10 minutes, but I'm not worried since I have the verb tenses down and the countries are already familiar to me (Puerto Rico, Venezuela, Bolivia, and one other one.. I forget.) Anyway, I'll try to finish that as quickly as possible so that I can come back, start my laundry, run to Blockbuster to return Fight Club (which we rented on Monday for Movie night with Matt -- yay alliteration), keep laundry going, do a theme and finish my Calc work, read the rest of Search and write down some random questions, shave my legs and fall into a deep slumber, hopefully by 10:00 pm. Maybe 11:00. Best get started off to class. Maybe we'll start early.
[10:14am] If there is a way for you to hear these three songs, I would deeply recommend that you do it: Dispatch - The General, Jump Little Children - Cathedrals, Hot Hot Hot - Talk to Me & Dance With Me. Other than that, I only have two pictures for you.
 

 
 

100803
[1:11pm] I'm sorry that I've been neglectful, kids. My dad told me that some of my loyal readership has been crying out for more updates. You just cannot understand how hard I've been working since I got here. Calculus takes up all my time, and when I'm not doing that, there are themes to be written (plus a five page paper due TOMORROW, I'm writing it on a the decline of "the date" as a social institution; it's going pretty well), and Search readings to be perused and questioned, classes, eating, sleeping.. Some responsibilities get lost in the shuffle. However, my cute anecdote for the day is this: I think I'm finally starting to find my niche. (My "Nie-kuh," as that guy on TV said.) Today, after Calculus I go to lunch. I'm standing in the lunchline, like any other day, so that when I get to the front, I can order my two hotdogs. It's a routine, and I love it. Today, however, I'm the last person in line, but this girl Jennifer who works in the Lair sees me at the end of the line and calls out "Two hotdogs?" And I smile broadly in surprise and nod happily. Yayyyyy!!! They know me by my food. In high school, I used to talk to the lunchlady a little bit, ask her how it was going and stuff.. It's nice to be able to relate to that again. Okay, back to the paper. Whee.

100403
[1:55pm] God, I LOVE Saturdays. I can sleep as late as I want to (i.e., 1:45pm). It's grrreat.

100203
[2:47pm] Every time that I think I'm doing well, I get behind again. Sigh. My Calculus test score was an 81% if I didn't already write that; my Spanish score was a 92% because I decided not to care about it. In order to keep my scholarship, I have to have a 3.5 GPA, which means I can have 2 As and 2 Bs. I'm thinking Search and Calculus will be my Bs because they are death-defyingly work-oriented, and Spanish and Daily Themes will be As because one I love so dearly and the other is just.. you know. Don't caringly easy. Off to that one right now! Maybe more updates later if I decide to take a break from my hours of calculus (represented by t for time, )Ahhh!

calapitter.net