Seventeen and Sunshine 3/17/02 9:59pm Another year and contrary to what is popular or customary, I do feel older: so much has happened. I don't take it back, I don't regret this year, but you know what it feels like? Another coat, another layer-- Hard clear material between the world and me; That's the part I regret. I told you before that I was going to destroy, create, and change (for the better.) And oh golly, when have I ever destroyed like that? Rebuilding was hard, but I still wonder-- Was there a change? Another confession: I disappoint myself everyday. I set my rules the night before, but They disappear and I act on whims. People say, "Oh well, there's always another day." But your brain gets stupid: "Who wants another day of disappointment?" Unfortunately for that that, the rest of me is optimistic. And I think of hope to survive. Another truth: I have so little complain about. Yet still I write. I continue to disappoint.